I am a trekkie. Not one of those crazy ones who follows William Shatner around asking him to recite the Prime Directive. Although I do know the Prime Directive. And I have read "Get a Life!"
But I'm not a psycho.
I like my franchises (francheese) to be age-proof and creative - which is why I tuned out half-way through Voyager - and I appreciate Mr. Junior Abrams' modern take on a time-traveling pre-quel-assic. He could have done a lot worse. Look at Star Wars. Or The Hobbit. Or Star Wars. (Please, not Star Wars...)
Still, the hokey alarm was a-wailin off the hook last night as we made our uber-critical way through Star Trek: Into Darkness. Basically, the Federation is attacked by Wrath from Fullmetal Alchemist, Spock and Uhura (Ohura? Ohara?) play house, and the other characters run around yelling, except for Sulu who has the good sense to stay seated. There was other important plot sh*t, but I don't know what it was.
Oh yeah, the blond chick takes off her clothes as a fan-service. It didn't advance the plot, but I'm sure it
When the credits started to roll and T asked us, "what was that movie about?" the resounding reply was "Sherlock expanding his range." (Or "Pissy Sherlock", was the condensed version according to Nate.)
So a few things I learned from this pre-quel that weren't covered by Cinema Sins:
Federation uniforms used to look a lot like German SS officer uniforms. I don't want to draw any parallels between the Prime Directive and the Final Solution, but I think I saw a few extras goose-stepping around in the middle distance.
It is dangerous to be an ethnic minority in Hollywood. The black dude was the first to go. More than that, his daughter was really almost the first to go (or maybe she really did die, I didn't watch too closely)! Not only is it murder to be black in the land of skinny blonds, but it is no longer safe to be a minor.
Speaking of almost dying, if they sneaked a damn tribble reference in so that we could see how Harrison's blood cells reproduce, what low and dreadful canon-insulting thing are they going to slip into the next one? And if Harrison's blood brings dead things back to life, wouldn't it be too much for a little kid, or a tribble for that matter? I mean, they just figured out the dosage of valium needs to be
adjusted depending on how many chromosomes you have, so the same must apply to children and rodents. What happened to genetic-specific medicine? Is that an idea that just dies out in the next two centuries?
Extras are a dime a dozen on the Enterprise, but there were quite a few that surprised me, including the gaggle of women with the myriad of hairstyles on the bridge. The Federation is basically a really fancy military, so along with uniforms come regulation haircuts - I bet you cannot buzz your head, I am sure your bangs cannot impede your vision, and while we're at it, blue shirts don't work on the bridge. Come on, people.
And Kirk's hair always looked like he stepped out of the shower and ran Bed Head gel through it. And a bit of lemon juice to keep his highlights up. I bet it's because he is the captain. The captain's hair always looks barber-shop-exiting immaculate. Just look at Picard or Sysco.
And just for fun, did anybody else cheer, "Run, Fat Boy! Run!" when Simon Pegg dashed across the cargo bay? Because I did.
Alright, that's all I got right now.
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