The Two Towers

But not those ones in New York ( too soon?...).

Winter means hot chocolate with baileys, tea and cookies, a blanket, a warm puppy, and an old leather couch, eternally imprinted with the ass-marks of devoted movie fans. All of the above is true, in my house, excepting the hind-end impressions, since my siblings fall prey to Portuguese Flat Butt Syndrome.

It's a wonder they can sit on the sofa without slipping right off.

Winter also means feeling perfectly justified marathoning it through the Lord of the Rings trilogy, especiallyin preparation for shitting on the second installation of the Hobbit.

I mean, going to see the Desolation of Smaug and enjoy it in an impartial and uncritical manner.

So, a few nuggets of thought about the Two Towers, or the one that has all the fighting, a butt-load of extra plot shit, and almost redeems itself by including Sean Bean in numerous flashbacks. His agent is a true pro.

You got to hand it to Rohan. On the march to Helm's Deep, the guard of twenty is intercepted by a host of two hundred orcs and wargs. Challenge accepted.

I have never understood why the daughter of Elrond half-elven, granddaughter of Galadriel, keeper of the ring Nenya (and wisest and mightiest of the elves in middle-earth, master horse-elf, and physician can't find a properly supportive undergarment for her up close and personal telepathic communion -vision with her long-distance boyfriend. Are there no Victoria's Secret in Middle Earth.

It says a lot for a fictional universe that all the good guys are played by handsome gents and all the bad guys are ugly as sin. I wish God had just taken that as a protoype for the real world. It would sure make it easier to find a quality boss.

And speaking of Elrond, I had no idea he was such a competent Jewish mom. " Would it kill you to follow your family across the sea? You're no Nimrodel, you know."

And on a more serious note, if Faramir had gone to Rivendell, made it through the counsel, been chosen to accompany the Nine Walkers, he wiuld have resisted the temptation of harrassing Frodo to give up the ring. In which case, the company would have continued on, Legolas and Faramir and Gimli would have gone to Gondor, Frodo and Sam would have gone to Mordor with Aragorn, and probably Merry and Pippin. Fangorn would have been overwhelmed by Saruman's forces, Gandalf would have had to overthrow Denethor with violence, probably having to kill Faramir in the process, Aragorn would have insisted on killing Gollum and all of Middle Earth would have fallen.

Which just goes to show that Boromir, by being a selfish bastard, saved the world.

There's hope for all of us, yet.